Goodbye
by coki83
Summary: Carol stood there next to Tyreese, Maggie's scream of anguish cutting her to the core. She felt numb; Beth had been so good, so pure, a small glimmer of hope in this dark world.
1. Chapter 1

Carol stood there next to Tyreese, Maggie's scream of anguish cutting her to the core. She felt numb; Beth had been so good, so pure, a small glimmer of hope in this dark world.

She looked from Maggie to Daryl, standing there holding Beth's small frame as though he was offering her up to the God's in some vain hope that he could change what had happened. As Carol watched blindly, Maggie lurched to her feet towards him to grip Beth's lifeless hand, clinging to her as though she could pull her back. The silence was deafening.

Suddenly Daryl's knees gave out and he sank to the floor, dragging Maggie with him as his broad shoulders heaved with emotion. Instinctively they all moved forwards but Carol and Glenn were the only ones to reach out to comfort the two who were grasping to their faded ray of light. Carol reached out her hand to his shoulder, kneeling next to him and murmuring "Daryl, let go. You have to let go now".

Daryl felt her warm hand there, bringing him back to himself. He looked down at the broken girl in his arms and gently lowered her to the floor.

He had let himself hope. No, this small fragile teenager had made him. Daryl had never been a hopeful person. Practical, always doing what was needed to survive but he had never seen the point in hope, not in his life.

Beth had pushed him to, forcing him to see her view. Making him break and holding him together when he fell apart. He had told her more about himself that anyone else, even Carol, who he loved so much it scared him to awkwardness. Admitting to Beth he didn't think he would see her or the others again, coupled with his guilt that he should have done and said more was the thing that had broken him.

In this moment he was breaking again and the only thing holding him in place now was the warm hand on his shoulder as he sobbed. For once, without thinking, he held that hand tightly, anchoring himself to her. As his grip tightened, so did Carols. She knew he needed her there to help him through this pain, just as she knew she needed air to breathe.

Much later as the group found a place to bed down for the night, she kept an eye on him. She could see him starting to withdraw, starting disappear. All Carol wanted to do was to hold him and make the pain he was feeling go away, she knew he would ever allow that though.

She picked up her blankets and pack, moving to sit next to him in the dark corner of the barn that Daryl had claimed as his own. She didn't say a word as she settled herself beside the surly hunter, just sat close enough to let him know she cared.

Daryl knew she had been watching him, he always knew. He always felt her presence before he saw her. Between losing her twice and today's events, all he wanted to do was to hold her close and never let go. However much he wanted to though, he couldn't, couldn't let her in and risk the chance of losing her. He didn't think he would live through that.

He thought losing Merle had been hard, but now after Beth had...he didn't even feel for her half of what he felt for Carol. He had let Beth in and now she was gone. It was his fault, he lost her, his fault he felt as though he was being torn apart, all his fault as he had let her in.

If he did that and lost Carol. No he wouldn't, couldn't let that happen.

As she settled next to him for the night, he knew what he would have to do. Knew that to survive, to protect her and himself what was required. He raised his gaze to meet hers, holding it for as long as he could bear, taking every minor detail in about her, then lay back and turned away.

As his stare penetrated every fibre of her being, she worried. He had never studied her so closely, never looked as though he was permitting every part of her to memory. Then as his face flushed, he rolled away from her and she went cold. Why did she feel such dread at closing her eyes. She lay back and looked at his strong frame, unable to settle the feeling of unease as she fell in to a fitful dreamworld.

He waited until the steady sounds of the others breathing leveled to the deep hush of sleep. He slowly sat up and began to gather his things, as quietly as only he could. He stood and looked at Carol as she slept, a frown of worry marring her features even in slumber. He knelt close to her and reached out, barely brushing her cheek with the back of his hand, saying his own silent goodbye. Then he carefully rose to his feet and silently padded from the barn. Past his family, leaving his loved ones because he knew to lose them any other way would kill him.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Just a quick note to say thank you to the two reviewers, due to your encouragement and my other halfs we have a second chapter! I own nothing and just enjoy playing with these wonderful characters.**

**Enjoy**!

When Carol awoke the next morning she knew something was wrong. She looked over to where she had seen Daryl bed down for the night but found the spot empty. His pack wasn't there and neither was he. With effort she pushed the panic aside, convincing herself he had just woken first and not wanting to wake anyone, gone out to keep watch.

As she quietly rose to her feet Rick began to stir. He looked around him and noticed Carol standing, staring fixatedly at the door to the barn, concern written all over her face. He moved to sit up and caught her attention.  
"You ok?" he mouthed in her direction, not wanting to wake the others. A pained look crossed her face and she motioned to the door with a tilt of her head. Slowly they both made their way to the door and out in to the cold morning light. As soon as her eyes had adjusted Rick watched Carol franticly look around her. Obviously not finding what she was so intently searching for, she made to run along the edge of the barn. Before she could take more than two steps he caught her arm.  
"Carol, what is it?"  
"It's Daryl, I think he has gone."  
"What do you mean gone?"  
"His pack is not there and he is not out here on watch. I have to find him."  
"He is probably just hunting for breakfast" Rick stated plainly  
"I have to find him" she repeated, a look of determination on her face, removing her arm from his grip.  
He watched at a loss as she neared the corner and disappeared from view. After cursing under his breath and glancing back at the barn doors, he made to follow her.

As he pushed on stalking through the woodland around him, he knew he couldn't stop, knowing that if he did his resolve would break. Last night he had longed for the solace of the trees, longed for the stillness it usually brought to his mind. But now, after hours of walking his mind wouldn't stop.  
The image of Sophia, shuffling from the barn, after all his efforts to find her and bring her back to Carol. Holding her as they watched Rick step forward to put her down. Looking down at Dale ending his pain, all because he didn't get there in time to stop the walker mauling him. Losing Zach on the run he organised but didn't scope out enough to see the danger. When the illness swept the prison and he couldn't get the meds they needed fast enough so Hershel had to…Hershel. If only he had carried on looking for the Governor, all the pain he could have stopped. Andrea, Merle…Beth…  
He didn't know why he hadn't seen it before, why he kept pushing on. Carol was right; they didn't get to save people anymore. With that thought the numbness he had been seeking washed over him.

They had searched the immediate area around the barn and the outskirts of the woods that surrounded it. All the while they searched Rick had watched Carol and the calm determination she exuded. There was more to this he could tell, he didn't have the connection with her Daryl did, no one had that, but even he could see she was getting closer to her breaking point the longer the search went on.  
"Carol we have to go back, the others will be worried"  
Slowly she came to a stop, her back to him string in to the distance. Had she heard him? He made to move towards her.  
"I can't stop, I…" she replied quietly, turning to him with silent tears streaming down her face.  
"I can't lose him too."  
He reached out and pulled he in to a tight embrace.  
"I know but we need to go back and get the others, then we can carry on looking, all of us."

She let Rick lead her back towards the barn. Carol knew he was right, knew they all needed each other. The one person who needed them all more than ever was Daryl and he had gone. Deep down she knew why, she understood. She had tried to do the same herself, that night by the car. Yet when she came round in the hospital all she wanted was her family, having Beth there was the answer to an unspoken prayer. The realisation that however hard it was, they couldn't get through this new life alone, and to live this life with out him would be impossible for her.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Sorry to those who received update emails earlier, something went wrong in the upload so I had to start again. I know they are short but I hope you like them. Any feedback is welcome. Enjoy!**

They had all searched the woods in the surrounding area, yet however much she wanted to find him, Carol knew they wouldn't. Daryl was their best tracker and if he didn't want to be found he wouldn't be. There was no sign of him, not even the tell tale marks he usually left himself to find his way back. That was when it finally set in that he wasn't going to come back to them...her, when they found nothing.

Rick didn't want to move on just yet, they couldn't stay there forever though. The barn provided some much needed shelter but there was no water source nearby and no where around to get food and with Daryl gone... The supplies were running low and they needed to do a run but to where? He moved over to where Michonne was patrolling with an idea to give them more time.  
"We need to find somewhere safe to go"  
"Any ideas?"  
"Maybe, maybe this place Noah was trying to reach. We owe it to Beth to try and get him there. We could go and check it out leave a few here for a bit longer?"  
"Could work, if it's safe we can move everyone there, if not look for supplies...do you think he'll come back?"  
"I'm not sure, I can only hope."  
They were both quiet for moment taking in those around them. Tyresse was sat with Noah, leaning against the outside wall of the barn. Sasha, Abraham, Rosita, Carol and Tara were stationed at various points around the clearing keeping watch. The rest were out of sight inside.  
"Who do you want to take on this run then?"  
"I was thinking, you, me, Glenn and Noah, that way the rest will have more than enough protection. We can handle ourselves."  
"Sounds good to me. You sure Glenn will leave Maggie?"  
"I can only ask. You ok to brief the others? I'll go and talk to Noah and Glenn"  
"Sure"

His conversation with Glenn went better than expected, he could see the younger man was at a loss with what to do to comfort Maggie. The relief that crossed his face that he would be able to do something useful was brief but not missed by the former sheriff.  
Their number for the run had increased by one as well, Tyreese had insisted on coming. It was clear he wanted to help Noah from the quiet conversation he overheard as he approached. Tyreese was familiar with grief after losing Karen and Rick agreed that moral support would be a good idea.

Before they left he pulled Carol aside, she had been quite since they gave up the search earlier, even though she had been the one to do so.  
"Hey, we're off now. You got this?"  
"Yeah"  
"He'll come back Carol." he stated placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.  
"No, I don't think he will" the resignation in her voice was final and he didn't try to argue the point further. With a brief nod of condolence, he turned and made his way to the car for the run.

Carol was heart broken but she wouldn't let it show. The group couldn't afford for her to fall apart and if she gave in she wouldn't be able to stop. With all she was holding in, the guilt was unbearable but she pushed it down in to a hard shell within herself. David, Karen, Mika...Lizzie and now he had left her... She couldn't dwell on it, she had to look forward not back, it was the only way.


	4. Chapter 4

He stood there, chest heaving and slick with sweat, surveying the five Walkers strewn around him in the darkening twilight. Three had bolts protruding from their skulls, one had his knife lodged firmly through its eye socket. The fifths brain was dashed across the tree next to him, it's crumpled form lying at his feet.  
Straining his ears for the tell tale shuffles and moans, he took stock of his small camp. His fire was out, the squirrel he had been roasting was now covered in guts. Apart from him having to go hungry, it wasn't like that had never happened before, he was relatively unscathed. The depression in the middle of the thicket had been a good find, with only one small gap to get in and out, it had allowed him to control the flow of the fight, being able to take each one on as they pushed through.  
Daryl couldn't hear anymore coming, so he began the slow and quite clean up. They must have smelt the cooking meat he mused. There was no way they would have seen his fire in the deep narrow pit he had scrapped out with his hands, or him for that matter, sitting on the floor below the level of the shrubs surrounding him.  
Methodically he dragged each of the decomposing corpses from his camp, taking them far enough away and hiding them from view so as not to attract unwanted attention. He would have burned them, but the flames would attract more now that the sun had fully disappeared from sight.  
With the last body moved he returned to set about rebuilding his fire in it's pit. That lit, he threw ruined squirrel under the nearest bush with a dissatisfied grunt. With nothing left to do he settled down for the night, head against his pack. Restless, he moved from one side to the other before finally rolling on to his back again staring at the canopy above. He tried to think of what he would need to do tomorrow to survive on his own... He stopped that train of thought dead before it would take him to what he was avoiding. He moved on to re-living a blow by blow of his fight with the walkers earlier slowly he fell in to a fitful sleep.

_He heard the moans before he saw them, as he sat there roasting his squirrel. He placed it next to the fire and grasped his bow from his side. He was sat opposite the the entrance to small thicket ready to defend himself. The first Walker stumbled in to his line of sight, he let a bolt fly. It hit with a resounding thud and the dead before him began to crumple to the ground. As it went down he caught a glimpse of it's contorted face, Glenn's face. With a gasp of horror he got to his feet shaking. Before he could fully register what he had seen the next came came shuffling towards him. He daren't look at it's face, the tall willowy frame with brunette hair, was enough to tell him who it had been. He let a second bolt fly with a whimper as what had been Maggie fell to the floor. His eyes focused on the next one, a brown shirt, and a colt at it's hip. Rick. Not another brother, no! A cry of anger and despair left him as the third and final bolt flew to it's target. No more, please, no more he thought, but life is never that kind, not to him. The small blonde walker came towards him, losing it's footing slightly on it's sister. The groan that came from it almost sounded accusatory, as he reached for his knife out of arrows. It fell towards him as he brought his hand up to defend himself and the knife sank in to it's eye, as tears streamed down his face. He could hear the next one coming as he bent down, to retrieve his knife but it was stuck fast. He knew he had to stand up to face it, but the sobs that were tearing through him almost left him unable to stand. It was nearly on him, he had to do something. He rose and met the once piercing blue eyes, staggering backwards away from her in denial. No, no! Sobbing he reached out and put a shaking hand to the, blood stained, salt and peppered head of the woman he loved as she lumbered towards him, arms open as though in supplication. With a wounded howl he forced her head towards the tree next to him..._

He awoke screaming, wracked with guilt, shaking with sobs unable to breath, his resolve, so hard built was crumbling around him.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN - Hi sorry for the lengthily wait for an update, this chapter caused me a lot of headaches. I've finally got it to where I want it, so I hope it's ok. Maybe a while before another update as my muse is refusing to play, but hey, here goes!**

**I own nothing I only play?**

"It was just a dream Daryl, just a fucking dream."

Sitting there with his arms draped across his knees and his head bent low he tried to convince himself. His breathing was still coming in rapid, short sharp gasps as he scrubbed a shaking hand across his face. No matter what he told himself he couldn't stop the images from his dream flashing through his mind. It had been so real that when he had woken up he had to go and check the lifeless forms of the walkers he had disposed of earlier.

That had been nearing an hour ago and he was still no calmer. His brain was running in circles over every possibility of what could happen to them…to her. Each time it came back to haunt him as his fault. His fault as he wasn't there to protect them, his fault as he wasn't there to feed them, all his fault. He'd left because he couldn't take the guilt that he had failed again. Until now he had thought that staying and facing failure in the future, as it was sure to happen, would be worse, but this, this was a different guilt. In so many ways it was so much worse, he would never know what happened to them…

His gut was still twisting as the sun began to rise and he made the decision to pack up his small camp and move on. Try as he might, he didn't want to stay here, as each glance towards the entrance of the clearing brought his dream flooding back, making head spin. He would pack up and move on find another safe spot to bed in.

As he gathered his things he was hoping that the focus of surviving, hunting and searching would be enough to occupy his mind, letting him reach the peace that the forest so often brought him.

Daryl had been stalking the doe for the last hour. After collecting his meager belongings earlier and starting out to find a new base for the night, he had come across the fresh tracks. The opportunity had been too good to pass up and the hunt seemed to have had the desired effect of calming his mind to his preferred Zen.

He began to soften his step knowing he was gaining on the creature, his hearing hightend for any noise that would indicate he was closing in. The tracks he was following led straight through a gap in the brush ahead. Creeping closer and keeping low he peered through the branches to see the doe grazing by a bush in a sunlit clearing. Daryl aimed his crossbow to locate the animal in his sights. As if sensing the hunter, the doe raised itsslender neck suddenly alert, giving him the perfect the breath he had been holding he let the arrow fly.

Before him the doe gracefully hit the ground, his arrow protruding from its eye. Straightening he made his way carefully over to collect his kill. It had fallen near thebush in the clearing and the nearer he drew to it the more he knew what he had to do. Standing mere feet away he gazed down, not at the doe but at the plant by its head. There, as pristine as mountain snow, was a single pure white Cherokee rose.

Two days. Two days since he had disappeared from her grasp. They were sat in the barn, awaiting the rest of the group's return from the search for safety as the sun was beginning to set. The search hadn't gone well; they knew Tyreese had been injured and that the scouting group were making their way back. Maggie was in one corner drifting in her own thoughts, while Carl sat nearby with Judith. Gabriel and Eugene sat in another quietly conversing. The rest were on watch as Carol sat by the open barn doors with Sasha, both looking out in to the trees surrounding them, towards the dirt track that would bring the rest of the group back to the fold. Well almost all of them, Carol thought bitterly. However bitter she felt though, however much it hurt, deep down she knew why he had gone. After letting people get closer to him than she ever thought he had before, he couldn't take the pain of losing anyone else. He was lost after Merle, but there most recent losses seemed to have rocked him to the core. He was protecting himself in the only way he knew how, she could understand that, she had thought of doing the same thing after Terminus and if he hadn't followed her she probably would have. Understanding didn't stop the pain though; it didn't stop her from reliving every moment with him, every touch, smile and gaze. It didn't stop her from seeing him everywhere she looked; even now she could imagine him striding from the forest dragging a doe back to them for to eat their fill. She closed her eyes, willing the image to disperse before she opened them again as a single tear slid down her cheek.

A shout from Carl as he rushed passed her brought her from her revere. She opened her eyes to find the image she thought was a day dream standing 5 feet in front of her, his beseeching eyes boring in to hers, as the rest of the group made their way towards him. As she took one faltering step towards him the sound of car coming down the dirt track caught her attention. All of them turned to see Rick get out of the car first, heading to Sasha. With a shake of his head, Sasha dropped to her knees tears coursing down her desolate face. Tyreese was gone.


End file.
